Sex - a very strange thing indeed

By Terence Watts

Sex is probably the second most powerful drive that we have, after survival. It's not a surprise that it is such a popular subject - and often one that is uncomfortable for people to talk about.

The whole process of sexual reproduction is odd - not just because of the sheer power of its instinctive drive but also because it is something of a puzzle as to why it exists at all. Many animal species are what is sometimes referred to as 'intersex' - that is, they are both sexes at the same time - and there are around 4000 species which are all female and reproduce without any form of sexual activity. Some species change sex apparently voluntarily, not just once but several times, and if you add to this the fact that homosexual behaviour occurs in more than 450 different species, you can begin to appreciate that our 'style' of sexual coupling is actually far from 'normal'.

Not only that, life on earth existed for three billion years before the advent of sexual reproduction, some three hundred million years ago, so it is hard to explain why and how sexuality came into being.

Given the manner in which a new human animal arrives in the world, and the fact that males have nipples and a modified clitoris, it is likely that humankind have evolved from a single-sex species with mainly 'female' characteristics. Many people believe that the clitoris is an 'atrophied penis' but this is probably an idea originally mooted by a male; it is known to be a similar organ in many ways and even functions in a similar erectile manner. The fact is, though, that the male has no organs which could ever have produced offspring and therefore it is far more likely that the clitoris developed into the penis. Certainly, both male and female genitalia are formed from the same foetal tissue.


We are not unique

Of course, the idea of penis-from-clitoris depends heavily upon the notion that the clitoris existed in those early pre-human ancestors; it is entirely possible, though, that neither penis nor clitoris existed in those early creatures and both have evolved separately. Some strength is given to this argument if you consider the fact that since the clitoris appears to exist solely to contribute to sexual pleasure it would not have been needed when reproduction was asexual.

We are not unique in the enjoyment of sexual activity - there are many animals that appear to copulate purely for pleasure and many that masturbate. What sets the human animal apart, however, is a highly developed emotional centre; three of those emotions, equal second in power only to fear, give rise to most human neuroses and especially so within the areas of relationships and sexuality. Those three 'villains' are Shame, Guilt and Embarrassment and they are more often the subject of psychosexual therapy than any other emotional response.


Liberation… or Not

In spite of the fact that we now all live in a 'liberated society', more and more people are suffering from some form of psychosexual difficulty. It could even be thought that it is the liberated society itself which is at the root of many of the problems, in both men and women. Certainly, popular media can lead to individuals believing that almost everybody else in the World has a wonderful sex life.

The notion is actually nonsensical; it promotes the idea that the women have hungry vaginas and multiple orgasms and the males have steel-like erections and copious ejaculations, coupled to an Olympic-standard recovery time.

In this fantasy world, the males come home from work in an affectionate and conversational frame of mind, while the women behave like sweet-smelling harlots, riding their males and gasping with pleasure at every thrust or grind.

The truth, of course is quite different. In an established relationship, most men come home from work in a "Where's my dinner?" mode; and if he instead does indicate affection or sexuality in some way, many women are, for at least some of the time, in a "Sod off, I'm not in the mood for that," frame of mind. This is a generalisation, of course, and it is as much to do with the male as the female. It is an unhappy situation but for a lot of the time it is the status quo for many couples, especially where the relationship is old enough to have become 'normal' and is therefore not carrying much in the way of excitement.


Great stress

Most people therefore have an unsatisfactory sex-life and many of them suffer great stress because of it, especially the males. This is not to say that women do not suffer sexual stress - they do - but, in general, it affects them less profoundly; there is no suggestion here that the female sex-drive is any lower than that of the male but it is a fact that she is less urgent and less 'instantly ready' than is the male.

The possible origins of this situation might be: for the best part of four million years, since the first humans (hominids, really, and not at all like us, but considered to be our earliest ancestors) appeared on the planet, the male has been the pursuer and expected that the female would copulate without much objection. This expectation survived millennia and was considered totally normal; most of the time, the male's physical advantages of size and strength meant there was nothing that a female could do about it... later, it was even supported in law, as long as he was married, for until 1991, he could insist on it and just 'take her' since the crime of 'Marital Rape' did not appear on the statute books until then.

Of course it was right that the law should have been introduced. To have continued with the same dismissal of the rights of a female to say 'No' would be unthinkable. But if we for a moment suspend any outrage about moral issues, we can see that it is almost inevitable that a problem will arise when four million years of evolved instincts have to be 'blocked' in some way. Sadly, for reasons that are too complex to go into here, the very same situation that makes it necessary for the male to control or ignore at least part of his sexual instinctive drive creates some of the female sexual difficulties that exist today.

Much of the time, people do not seek help for their sexual problems; indeed many are unable to even begin to admit that there is a problem in the first place. All too often, as well, any attempt to discuss it with their partner only exacerbates the difficulty as unwarranted blame and guilt make their presence felt - and that is an area where psychosexual therapists often find themselves working in the therapy session. It is a fact that because of the inhibitions and guilt that have been instilled in our formative years (usually unintentionally, though sometimes deliberately, as part of religion), many individuals will never speak about their sex life, let alone admit that they want to find a way of improving this fundamental part of their existence.


A Complex Issue

Sexuality can sometimes seem to be a highly complex issue but in fact it is the psychodynamics of sexuality that is complex and should never be taken lightly. It is from there that most difficulties arise. At one end of the scale, those problems might be simple sexual unhappiness (enormous numbers of people suffer such); at the other, you find complete primary dysfunction, where the client has never experienced 'normal' sexual functioning.

From the effective therapist's point of view, there is not much that is more joyful than helping somebody to restore that most fundamental and intimate of human pleasures, sexual activity.

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